


I'd Call It Progress

by lola23



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Scars, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22869475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lola23/pseuds/lola23
Summary: Neil Josten is a work in progress. He'll get there, though, eventually.
Relationships: Neil Josten & The Foxes (All For The Game), Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 13
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to anyone who reads this! So I've never written any kind of fanfiction before (or really any creative writing in general) but I love this series so I thought what the heck, let's just do it.
> 
> I'm aware the characters are probably unrealistically portrayed but I'm hoping I'll get better as I write more.
> 
> This fic should only have a couple of short chapters so I'll just leave u guys to read now... :)

Neil had been working up to changing out with the rest of the team. It shouldn't have been a big deal but for some reason his feet carried him through the changing rooms and to the stalls without time for his thoughts to intervene. It was ingrained in him, he thought, this need to hide. To cover up. To stay low. To fly under the radar. To be nothing and no one and easily forgotten, a blur in the background of the moving masses.

He'd become a little more though. There weren't as many spaces and blanks to fill into his identity anymore. He was more complete. A little rough around the edges, a little cracked but a whole person. 

Andrew had helped with that (of course he had). Filling in the feelings he thought he'd never feel, that he thought had never existed in the first place. Safety and trust and honesty and love (Neil had figured that one out a while ago but Andrew didn't need to hear it yet).

Bee had also helped. It was actually Aaron who'd convinced him to see her in the end. Though technically, Neil thought, it was more like blackmail. With all the excitement of the last year, Neil was failing biology and Aaron of all people had offered to tutor him. For a fucking price. Because it was Aaron. Neil should have known better.

"Looks like someone's in over their head," Aaron said, smug, as he had walked in on Neil practically collapsed over his textbook. At that point he was sure the words were sapping his brain cells. "Tell you what, I'll help."

Neil had glared at him suspiciously because honestly, he wasn't stupid enough to think Aaron would ever help him purely out of the goodness of his heart. They weren't quite there yet. 

"Really?" He asked, skepticism evident in his voice.

"Sure. You'll have to pay me back though. Obviously."

"No."

"You can't afford to fail this class."

"I'll manage."

"You'll get kicked off the team." Aaron persisted. "So if you want my help, you'll pay the price."

They wouldn't really kick him off the team right? He needed Exy, it was an in built instinct. It made him real. He mulled Aaron's words over in his head.

"Which is?" Neil asked warily.

"You have to see Bee to fix your fucking head."

"No." Neil said. His eyes narrowed and his voice was venom. Aaron didn't have the fucking right to demand anything from him. Who the fuck did he think he's was? "Come up with another fucking compromise or I'll-"

"You'll what?" Aaron interrupted. "I'm not Andrew. He'll stop pushing when you tell him to but I won't. How the fuck are you gonna be there for him when you can't face your own fucking problems?" 

Neil stared at him (he glared viciously).

"He deserves better than you." Aaron spat out the last words. He turned to leave, shoulders bunched and hands fisted at his sides.

"Wait." Neil said because, because it was Andrew. He brought Andrew into it and as much as Neil hated to admit it, he was right. Andrew held him up, he was strength and safety in human form. Neil wanted to do the same, to be that for him. Because after everything, they deserved it. They deserved to be gentle and sure and safe.

But, then again, it was Aaron who was asking so ...this particular stipulation could have easily been payback for Neil's meddling because Aaron was a particular kind of petty. Neil made up his mind. "I'll do it."

And he had. And Bee was helpful and straightforward and more sweet tempered than anyone had the right to be. Neil started to open up to her and she started to help. She helped him to push past his fears and expand his comfort zone so that he could relax when he was around his teammates, around his family. So he didn't flinch at their kindness.

Which brought him back to the matter at hand. As much as he told himself he wanted to, something in him was still afraid of the team seeing him. Or maybe afraid wasn't the right word. They'd seen him at his worst and hadn't backed down from fighting for him to stay. But he didn't want to show them he was vulnerable. Because he was Neil Josten. He was indestructible. Invincible. Iron willed...terrified.

"What is it that's stopping you?" Bee had asked. Curiously, cautiously. "Do you trust them?"

"Yes." Neil replied. With his life.

"Then, I guess, practise makes perfect. Don't overthink but maybe prepare yourself for how your teammates might react to seeing your scars." 

"What do you mean?" Neil asked. He twisted his fingers into the couch.

"You seem the type to, how do I put this, rip the bandaid off," Bee said mildly. "Just think of what might be the worst case scenario, the best case scenario and what actually happens will probably be some kind of median of the two."

Neil thought about it.

"I don't want their pity." He said.

"Then tell them that. They'll understand." She glanced at the clock. "I'll see you next week, Neil?"

"Yeah," He got up to leave. "Next week."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno how to make the chapters show that there's going to be more than one so oops, it looks like it's completed (it's not).
> 
> Anyway I'm writing this as I go so don't expect too much :/
> 
> Thanks for reading...Enjoy!

Maybe the reason that some of the little things seemed difficult now was because Neil had let go of Nathaniel. That boy was dead and gone and Neil didn't want him back. But (there always had to be a catch) Nathaniel was a container for everything that had happened to him, everything he didn't want to process. So as Neil let him go, it was his turn to process.

Turned out, there was a lot to sort through. Nathaniel had been scared and more accepting of his supposed fate than he was desperate. Nathaniel was tough as nails and Neil could be too. If he wanted to. If he could stomach the pain without letting Nathaniel return from the grave.

Bee had said that letting himself be vulnerable in front of the team is a step in the right direction. Neil wasn't sure about the word 'vulnerable'. He wasn't showing them that he was weak, right? There wasn't another way though, to describe that pit in his stomach, the one that grew each time he tried to show them.

Neil decided that today was the day. No time like the fucking present after all. It had been a nice morning. He felt confident (that's when Bee said he should go for it). He had woken up to Andrew's face inches away from his own, golden eyes open and relaxed. Neil liked to see him like this.

"You watching me sleep?" He grinned at Andrew who didn't bother to reply, just blinked slowly. "Oh no, I can't take the silence." He deadpanned.

"It's too early for you to be dramatic," Andrew hoisted himself up and pushed Neil off the bed. Neil landed clumsily in a cloud of duvets and pillows. "I want pancakes."

"I thought you wanted nothing?" Neil quipped, smiling a little.

"So fucking smug. Get out and get dressed," Andrew was smiling a little too (It's progress. He didn't smile often but Neil thought they could get there. He wanted to make him laugh).

Andrew collected the others and drove them to practise. The morning drives were always quiet, almost serene, everyone still shaking the sleep from their bones. Neil liked the calm. They all watched the world flicker by. 

Dan and Matt were waiting for them when they got to the court, hand in hand. Aaron stood next to them, seemingly finding something of interest in the floor.

"Hey guys," Matt said, yawning. "Uh, what's up with Nicky?" Turning to the person in question, Neil saw that Nicky was practically dead on his feet. 

"Stayed up late talking to Erik. I told him we had practice in the morning." Kevin huffed.

"You don't understand," Nicky whined, then seemed to gain some energy. "He said he might come to visit soon, of course we were up late."

"Whatever." Aaron said under his breath. Dan rolled her eyes and interrupted whatever debate was about to occur before it even begun.

"Coach said training will be a little relaxed for the next couple of weeks."

Kevin frowned. "Did he say why?" 

Typical of the Son of Exy. There was something thrilling to Kevin about pushing the limits (though Neil was the same). Andrew nudged Neil.

"Don't pout, junkie. It's unattractive." 

Neil rolled his eyes and relaxed. There was nothing wrong. He wouldn't suddenly lose all ability to play by taking it easy for a while. His muscles were rigid over something else. Scars, his thoughts supplied helpfully. Dan's voice pulled him back into the conversation.

"Well, Coach and I will be in and out researching and visiting potential recruits," Dan said. "He'll probably want you two to look over some of it too." She gestured at him and Kevin. 

They all stood there a little longer, waiting on Allison and Renee. Neil was getting fidgety, his fingers itching to grasp a racket.

"Um, can we go now? We've got shit to do." Surprisingly, Aaron broke the awkward silence. Neil looked at him. "They'll be here soon."

"Yes, we are wasting practice time." Kevin said shortly and walked to the changing rooms. Aaron followed, then Matt, then Nicky who groaned about having to move at all. As he and Andrew made their way back, Neil was abruptly reminded of what he had decided to do.

He paused before entering, feeling vaguely uncomfortable in his skin (he swore he felt his scars prickle). Andrew moved around him.

"Are you coming?" He asked. Blunt, grounding. Neil hesitated. 

"I want to." He said, but his feet didn't move. Come on, fucking move, his thoughts pushed at him. Not fucking helpful at all. Andrew looked him in the eye.

"You don't owe them anything."

Neil shrugged.

"Fucking martyr. Suit yourself." Andrew walked in, Neil following close behind. In all honesty, Neil knew what Andrew meant but frankly, the stalls were cramped and annoying to change out in, now that he had another option.

"Wouldn't want to miss out on the all the pre game hype," Neil smiled a little and Andrew rolled his eyes.

Matt and the others had already started getting ready when they walked in. The room didn't still immediately like Neil thought it would but after they realised he wasn't going anywhere they paused. It wasn't tense exactly, just anticipatory. Andrew pulled his locker door open with force, letting it slam against the one next to it. The crash spurred everyone back into movement though the conversation had died down drastically.

Neil reached for his shirt and then thought better of it. He stripped his trousers off first and changed. There wasn't much scarring on his legs, he breathed. He took his time (he was procrastinating). His thoughts dialled up their intensity, ricocheting of the insides of his mind. What if they're disgusted? They won't be, his rational brain supplied. What if they think you're weak? You've shown them you are strong, he argued with himself. He wasn't made of glass. He wouldn't shatter just for this.

"Breathe Neil," Andrew reminded him softly. Neil nodded and exhaled. This wasn't a big deal. Practice makes perfect (practice makes habit). Neil smiled at Andrew again and tugged his shirt over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I am really dragging this out...Also does the writing feel detached at all? I don't know how to make it more emotionally engaging??? Or something like that.
> 
> Any comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo last chapter :) the foxes react how I want them to so probably not at all realistically but it was fun to write.
> 
> Anyways, thanks so much for reading my first piece of work it had been really fun even though it was short!
> 
> Thanks again...Enjoy!

Bee had told him to imagine the best and worse case scenario.

The best case scenario: Everyone carried on exactly like normal and pretended that Neil had been changing out with them since he joined (unlikely).

Worst case scenario: Everyone recoils in disgust and proceeds to treat him like glass (equally unlikely).

What actually happened was quite different. As Neil pulled his shirt over his head, making sure his torso was still facing the locker, everyone fell deathly silent. He swore he couldn't even hear a breath, no sharp inhales or exclamations or protests. Just silence. Neil froze too, the shirt in his hands hanging limp by his side. 

Neil didn't dare let his gaze wander from the orange locker door in front of him. He knew what the others could see. Raised skin and angry scars due to cruel hands and wicked knives. Thin white lines where his skin had lost its colour. Jagged ridges of mottled skin stretched taught across rigid back muscles. Some days, he hated their existence and others, he needed them as proof of survival (and proof that he was not his parents). Today though, it wasn't his own doubts and fears that played on his mind but the others'. Matt's reaction, Aaron's, Nicky's, Kevin's. 

Neil's eyes flickered to Andrew's, seeking reassuring he didn't know for sure he would find. Andrew wasn't looking at him though, he was glaring at someone stood to Neil's back. The tension made its way throught he floors. Neil waited for something. Anything. Someone needed to fucking move before he lost his fucking mind.

Finally, someone sniffed. Then breathed out shakily. Then sniffed again, a little damp sounding. Feet shuffled and Neil turned around.

He shouldn't have. 

Nicky, who had moved closer to him, looking to be on the verge of tears, got a full, unmasked view of his torso. The imprint of the iron glared up, easily the most visible.

"Oh my god, is that..." Nicky trailed off just as the tear slipped out of his eyes. Neil met his gaze, calmly. He didn't want this. Tell him then, Bee's voice whispered.

"I don't want your pity. I don't need it." It came out a little more defiant than nonchalant. But his voice didn't waver (thank fuck).

"No, it's not...it's just...how..." Nicky trailed off again. Before drawing in a breath. His voice cracked and his next question sounded almost distraught. "How could anyone be so cruel?" 

No one answered him. There wasn't an answer, really. There never would be. Neil felt his eyes go wide. Nicky stepped forward and Neil didn't step away. 

"Can I?" Nicky asked, bringing his arms up hesitantly. Neil was still shirtless but Nicky was fully dressed at least. Andrew growled but Neil quickly stepped into Nicky's arms before he could drop them. He could feel his eyes start to sting. Fuck. It was Nicky's fault. He wasn't crying. Nicky's crying was just catching.

"No one's ever going to fucking touch you again." Nicky said, rating his chin on his head. His voice sounded deep and filled with conviction, it wasn't a side of Nicky that Neil had seen before. "This isn't pity, this is fucking indignation. I'm just hurting for you because," he paused. "Because you refuse to feel it yourself."

Neil allowed himself to feel the warmth for a second longer before pulling away, hoping to whichever god that happened to be looking down that his eyes weren't red rimmed and shining (they were).

"Did you get fucking shot? With an actual bullet? How the fuck are you still alive?" Aaron burst out, probably more out of curiosity than concern. Neil ignored him as his attention quickly turned to Matt. Matt was slightly hunched over, shoulders tight and fists shaking.

"Matt..." Neil didn't know what to say to him. This wasn't what he'd expected. They shouldn't be...this was suppose to be a big deal for him, not them. What the fuck was he supposed to say to make them feel better? It was his fucking body.

"Matt..." Neil tried again but Matt simply replied with a quiet 'don't' then proceeded to bring his fist up and punch the locker. 

"Argh!" Matt let out a yelp of pain and clenched his fist tighter. His knuckles hadn't split but with the sound it made, there was no way it wouldn't leave one hell of a bruise. "What the fuck? You..." Matt started loudly then seemed to lose heart. "You didn't deserve any of that."

"I know," Neil managed. And god, he knew. He knew he didn't. That's what made them harder to look at in the morning. "Nobody does. But they're here. And I want to change out with you guys so you better fucking get used to them, cause if I had to, so do you."

That spurred Kevin into action. He nodded and then checked his own gear and then looked at Neil who was still standing there shirtless.

"Neil, get a move on." He said blandly. But Neil took it for what it was. It wasn't a dismissal, it was acknowledgement. That Kevin had seen him and it made no difference to how he had perceived him. Neil grinned at him and started to put the rest of his gear on.

Matt let out a few more curses and shook his fist out. Nicky was ready and after Kevin appraised Matt's hand and declared crassly that he'd live, the three left. Neil exhaled deeply. That just left Aaron.

Neil turned to stare at him. Aaron stared right back. 

"Okay but are we just going to ignore the fact that none of those are being treated properly?" Aaron said, something like exasperation colouring his tone. Andrew, who had remained still throughout the whole scene, shifted to level Aaron with a cool look.

Neil's brows scrunched together in confusion. 

"What do you mean? They're just scars, they're already healed."

Aaron rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. 

"Fucking idiot." He muttered under his breath. "Don't they hurt sometimes?"

Neil thought about it. Sometimes, he guessed, they pulled and stretched. Sometimes they felt tight and pinched. Sometimes they ached. But he thought that was usual, there was nothing you could do about that. He'd gotten used to it. 

Andrew noticed his non answer. He raised a brow at him that made Neil feel stupid. 

"Can he do anything about it?" Andrew asked his brother, though the lack of intonation made it sound more like a statement.

"Um, yeah. There's like, gels and creams and stuff to get them to stop pulling...and stuff." Aaron appraised both of them and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I can show you guys later, if you want? There's a pharmacy in town." 

If Neil didn't know better, he'd say Aaron sounded almost hopeful. Neil nodded quickly and looked to Andrew who sighed audibly and nodded too. 

Aaron stood there for a couple of seconds longer before Andrew looked at him. 

"Get out." 

"Oh. Right. Yes." Aaron said. The turned and walked swiftly out. Neil could practically feel the odd mix of satisfaction and awkwardness oozing out of him.

With everyone gone and the changing room empty, Neil sagged against the lockers. Fixing his gaze on Andrew, he let his eyes trace over the features of his face. Neil slid down until he was sitting on the floor. Andrew looked at him from above. Neil felt completely drained. He was sure he could sleep for another few days straight but he wasnt sure why.

"Why am i so fucking exhausted?" Neik asked. His voice didn't crack but it was a near thing, tired and weak. His vision felt blurred.

Andrew crouched down next to him. 

"Neil. You're crying."

Neil brought a tentative hand to his cheeks. His fingertips came away wet.

"Oh."

More tears trickled out.

"I'm not sad." It suddenly felt very important that Andrew knew this. "I'm not sad, Andrew. I'm not."

"I know, Neil."

Neil pressed his palms into his eyes and breathed out shakily. It had been a while (a lot longer than a while) since he'd cried. Andrew reached forward and oulled his hands away. Neil closed his eyes.

"Yes or no?" Andrew said softly. 

"Yes," he whispered, eyes still closed. He waited for a burning kiss that never came. Instead, Neil felt a feather light brush of lips against his cheek and a slightly firmer press of lips on his nose. That was...different.

"Andrew...what," he started, opening his eyes. Andrew huffed and stood back up, hauling Neil to his feet along with him.

"Pathetic doesnt suit you, Josten. This was in the interest of the many."

"Aaand he's back," Neil said, voice lighter than before. He gestured to his face and gear which were both probably (definitely) a mess and smiled a little crookedly. "How do I look?"

Andrew redid the straps on his shoulders. Nothing much he could do for his eyes and the tear tracks. 

"Like a wreck."

"Ah, it must be Tuesday."

"Shut up, Neil. And let's go, before Kevin bites our heads off." Neil smiled and followed him out.

When they finally made it to the court, Dan ruffled his hair and gave him a toothy grin.

"Heard you changed out with the boys today," she said. Neil nodded warily. "I'm proud of you, kid. But don't think you're getting out of extra laps. You are so fucking late."

Neil sighed and started off. "You too, Minyard." He heard Dan call out behind him and slowed to let Andrew catch up.

Allison caught up to him during practice and smirked. 

"You know, I'm proud of you too...bitch." 

Neil snorted and thanked her. 

By the time they made it back to the dorms Neil was exhausted but after everything, all the tears and the yelling and the embarrassment, Neil found that today, despite it all, he felt quite happy.

"I don't know about you," Bee said at their next session. "But I'd call that progress." She smiled gently at him and he smiled back.

"So Neil, what do you want to work towards next?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaah the end...I was thinking about maybe continuing some of Neil's goals and how he works towards them (not right now but maybe in the future) so thoughts on that?
> 
> Thanks for reading and any comments and constructive criticism is appreciated xx

**Author's Note:**

> Aaahahahha thanks for reading!
> 
> Any comments and/or constructive criticism is appreciated! 
> 
> Xx


End file.
